In honor of Olivia Newton-John’s passing, I wanted to examine her most iconic role as Sandy in the 1978 film Grease. This is the role she’s most remembered and beloved for. In the film, she is in a relationship with John Travolta’s Danny.
Sandy (ISFJ) & Danny (ESTP)
If you haven’t seen the hit musical Grease, I really don’t know what rock you’ve been living under, but please go watch it now. It’s great. And if you haven’t seen it because you “don’t like musicals,” this is the greatest musical ever (not really, but still). So go. Watch.
And if you have seen Grease and have every song embedded in your soul, the passing of Olivia Newton-John probably brings to mind her decent and lovable Sandy. There’s a repertoire of songs like “Hopelessly Devoted to You” and “You’re the One that I Want” memorized for life.
If you need a recap (or heaven forbid haven’t seen the movie), Danny and Sandy start the movie having a summer romance and believe they are parting ways by the end of it – as explained in “Summer Nights.” But as fate would have it, they find themselves going to the same high school as they enter their senior year.
Unbeknownst to the sweet and innocent Sandy, Danny is a greaser, a bad boy, a rebel without a cause. He’s not just any bad boy, but is actually the leader of “The T-Birds” gang. When Danny and Sandy are surprisingly reunited, Danny plays cool to save face, which hurts Sandy and causes her to storm off crying.
For the rest of the movie, Danny continually tries to win Sandy over, and it works until he messes up each time. At the end of the movie, Sandy decides to go after Danny for a change by transforming herself into a Greaser. They sing “You’re the One that I Want” together and live happily ever after.
Sandy and Danny are two wildly different people, just as ISFJs and ESTPs are. Yet Sandy can’t help but be “hopelessly devoted” to Danny. And Danny doesn’t stop trying to be the man she wants and deserves.
If you relate to either of these characters, let’s examine what works and doesn’t work about this pairing.
How to Know if You’re in an ISFJ & ESTP Relationship
Sandy is an ISFJ, also known as the Defender or Protector. Defenders are warm and dedicated to their loved ones. They’re practical, but still emotional. Supportive and hardworking. Sandy demonstrates these qualities through her “good girl” activities, such as joining cheerleading and caring about doing well in school.
The fact that she is sweet, innocent, sensitive, and hardworking make her a target to be made fun of in the song “Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee.” Sandy is very offended, because Defenders tend to take things personally.
Danny is an ESTP, also known as The Entrepenuer or The Dynamo. They are lively, thrilling people whose main goal in life is to have fun. Unlike Defenders, they don’t take life too seriously. Danny lives on the edge in as bold a way as he can. He’s the life of the party, but also cares about success, which looks different for him than Sandy.
His success comes from being the leader of the T-Birds. But he also cared about winning the dance competition (regardless if Sandy was by his side), the race against his rivals, and ultimately being with Sandy.
They are a typical opposite attracts pairing. If you find that you and your partner relate to their relationship, there are some ways you two work well together.
Sandy and Danny are both logical and practical. They both alter themselves to be what the other wants. By the end of the movie, Danny has a letterman jacket, and Sandy looks like a Greaser. Now, it’s probably not the best thing that each one had to change in order to be with the other person, but it was still a practical solution.
They also have a strong sense of duty, even if it’s for different things. Sandy is dedicated to those she cares about, as well her education and future. Danny is dutiful to the T-Birds and to Sandy, though he does stumble a bit with his duty to her.
Being the good school girl that she is, Sandy is drawn to Danny’s charisma, passion, and free-spirit. Danny is mostly likely drawn to her tender heart and calm deamenor. There can be a great balance between these two.
However, there are also areas that are a great struggle.
How to Resolve Conflict
Sandy and Danny have many conflicts throughout the film. From his initial dismissal of her when he’s in front of his friends, to winning the dance competition with another girl (an ex girlfriend), to trying to go too far with her at the drive-in.
After Sandy leaves him at the drive-in, he sings about his feelings for her in the song “Sandy.” These two are very smitten with each other, so why do they keep running into problems?
Well, one problem that occurs is that ESTPs are better at being emotionally distant and ISFJs are very emotional. So, it makes sense that Sandy would be the one always getting hurt. This doesn’t mean ESTPs don’t feel anything. Danny loves Sandy and isn’t happy when he dismisses her in front of his friends.
It’s also worth noting that ESTPs care a lot about image and for ISFJs it’s not that important. This also leads to many tensions in their relationship.
ESTPs also hate feeling restricted. They love thrill and living in the moment, and a relationship with certain rules and expectations can be very difficult for them. ISFJs love rules and organization, so this also conflicts.
This can be seen most notably when Sandy and Danny are at the drive-in. Danny has tried to be the guy he thinks Sandy wants, but it’s also not who he is. He’s adaptable, but it’s adaptation with a mission. Once he has Sandy, he no longer wants to be the nice respectful school boy Sandy so desires. He wants excitement, and tries to take it too far with Sandy. Sandy screams and leaves him.
Sandy is most attracted to Danny when he’s being empathetic and kind, which ESTPs can definitely be, though they may not appear so all the time. I think Danny likes that Sandy is sweet, but I suspect he is also very attracted to her when she’s direct and firm, making her boundaries and expectations clear.
That’s because ESTPs prefer being communicated with rationally rather than emotionally, and ISFJs prefer empathy. When Danny and Sandy are both doing this, they tend to do well.
ISFJs also trust ESTPs more when they’re being empathetic and committing to longterm goals. At the drive-in, right before Sandy storms off, Danny offers her his class ring. To her, this is a sign of both empathy and commitment. She says it shows he really respects her. Of course, he ruins it by disrespecting her right after.
At the end of the day, ISFJs need empathy and commitment and ESTPs need autonomy and excitement. Sandy transforming herself at the end of the film is the ultimate sign to Danny of Sandy’s love. He feels free to be himself, but also excited by the change.
Digging Deeper
So, let’s be clear, changing yourself for someone else is never good. However, bettering yourself and making small sacrifices to accommodate your partner’s needs is healthy in a relationship. Sandy and Danny may have been a little extreme on changing themselves so much, but we can still learn from their relationship.
No two personality types are a perfect fit, and there will always be conflicts that arise. Sandy and Danny were a particularly difficult pairing, but not impossible.
Both of their needs directly contradicted the others’ needs, which is why I think such drastic change had to happen on both ends to make the relationship work. Again, you shouldn’t change for a partner, but you should try to meet their needs.
ISFJs, like Sandy, need stability, empathy, and commitment. ESTPs, like Danny, need autonomy, excitement, and logic. Both of them tried to give the other these things by changing themselves, but that wasn’t necessary.
Danny never needed to become a jock. He needed to be authentic with his feelings for Sandy in front of his friends, showing her he could still be that empathetic, sweet guy she fell in love with over summer. She fell in love with someone who wanted to be with her for the longterm, and that’s all she needed to see from him when they were reunited.
Danny didn’t need Sandy to become a Greaser. He needed someone who respected that he was a Greaser and the lifestyle that that came with. It would have been enough for her to see him for what he really was and not judge him for it.
Obviously this movie is about an high school relationship, but what’s important for these two types (and any types really) is respecting who the other is and what their boundaries are.
If you find yourself in an opposites attract kind of relationship, just know you don’t have to change. Be respectful of what the other needs and try to accommodate them the best you can.
The Human Connection 
One response to “Grease’s Sandy & Danny: Romantic Compatibility Between ISFJ & ESTP”
Aw nicely put! Although you should be kinder to those people that haven’t watched this iconic movie 😌 lol but I liked how you ended it, “Be respectful of what the other needs and try to accommodate them the best you can.“ Amen 🙏🏽
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