Is This You?
You love being around people. You are gregarious! Fun! Bold! And connect with just about anyone. In fact, your people skills are one of your biggest talents. You love connecting and socializing and know how to turn any boring situation into a fun one.
Others love that you remain positive even when things are difficult. They also enjoy your excitement about whatever you care about because it makes them excited too.
Yet, aside from all of your awesomeness, you may be just a teeny tiny bit sensitive to criticism. You just spend so much time trying to be liked, that when someone doesn’t like something, you can’t stand it!
I know it’s hard, but if you feel like this may be you, let’s see how we can learn to be more open to constructive criticism.
MBTI
The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator defines 16 personality types with a combination of 4 different letters each meaning something different.
ESFP
- Extraversion (E), Sensing (S), Feeling (F), Perceiving (P)
- Bold, original, practical, and observant
- Spontaneous, energetic, and fun-loving
- Excellent people skills and great at connecting with others
- Sensitive, conflict-averse, and easily bored
- Can be unfocused and not the best planners
- 9% of general population; 10% of women; 7% of men
How to Know if You’re an ESFP
If you’re still unsure if this could be you, let’s look a little closer.
Extroversion
You’re the kind of person who loves making connections with others. You are energized around people, and you also love energizing them. You want others to feel as excited as you do. Though you can be alone, long periods of alone time makes you sad or is draining. You also have no problem being assertive and finding a way to make things happen.
Sensing
You have always been very observant of your surroundings, focusing on what is tangible to you. You focus on what is real to you and what is in the present. You want to experience the world by seeing and doing whatever you can. Your observational skills and experiences have taught you to be practical.
Feeling
You are deeply emotional and love being around art and nature. You have a natural eye for spotting beautiful things, or simply whatever looks good. Your emotional side is also what helps you connect with others. You love being around those who make you happy. You are sensitive, kind, and encouraging.
Perceiving
You are flexible and spontaneous. In fact, you are so spontaneous that making plans for the future can be difficult. You are also great at adapting and have no problem leaving your comfort zone to do something fun. However, you also want instant gratification and can be known for being impatient.
How to Grow as an ESFP
So you’re an ESFP. You’re fantastic and fun and bold. Wonderful. But what about those pesky problem areas you struggle with? Don’t worry, I know you criticism is hard for you, so we’re going to try to make this as painless as possible.
Sensitivity to Criticism
Let’s rip the bandaid off and be honest. You don’t like criticism. Okay, there. Not so bad. But who likes criticism anyway, right? It’s true no one likes criticism, but if we’re being especially honest, you might be just a little more sensitive than others to it.
That’s okay! It’s completely understandable that it hurts. It feels like rejection. You’re out there trying to be connected to others, making a lot of effort to be supportive and helpful, and also craving support from others. Why would anyone criticize YOU? What good is criticism anyway? It just makes you feel like you’re being attacked, which makes you angry and resentful.
Well, constructive criticism is just a way others support us in our growth. If you want to live up to your potential and be your best self, then accepting criticism can be part of it.
Steps to Grow
Feelings of anger and resentment that arise are natural for you, but let’s try to understand where these feelings come from.
First, it’s important to recognize how deeply important connection is to you. You are not someone who enjoys isolation. At least not for long. So, when someone is pointing out a flaw about you, it could be seen as rejection, thus a loss of connection, and you definitely don’t want that.
Let’s also admit that you’re probably kind of impulsive. So, when someone is giving you constructive criticism, you react immediately. Usually with anger.
Take a step back. When someone is criticizing you, find a way to give yourself time to pause and process. Perhaps focus on your breathing. You can excuse yourself until you feel yourself relaxing. We can’t think clearly when we’re angry.
Just breathe.
Next, ask yourself where this person is coming from? Are they just trying to be mean (which may be completely possible), or are they sincerely trying to communicate a concern to you? If they have a concern, then it’s likely they are coming from a good place. It may feel like an attack, because they’re not acknowledging all you do, but try to understand it as a concern. It doesn’t mean they don’t like you.
Once you are ready to listen, it still may be unpleasant to hear what the other person has to say. But if you know they are coming from a good place, then isn’t it worth hearing them out? Once their concern has been expressed, it’s up to you to evaluate it. Is there validity to what they said? Is it concerning to you too? From there, you can figure out what next steps to take.
Digging Deeper
So much of your focus is primarily on two things: fun & others. Preferably a combination of the two. You thrive in community and enjoy bringing others happiness and entertainment. There is a reason that your personality type is labeled the Entertainer. You love spreading your positivity and enthusiasm.
So of course, it would feel awful when you feel like you are doing neither of these things right. And that’s how criticism makes you feel. You want to be accepted and feel heard. Criticism offers the opposite.
It’s true that many people struggle with criticism, but these are the reasons why your specific personality type struggles with it.
Criticism makes you feel cornered, like you now have to defend your actions, and you are willing to put up a fight about it. You’re not the type to stand down. Your immediate response is to challenge what was said and go on the offensive. You may even resort to attacking the person who criticized you. How dare they criticize you? They have so many flaws too.
There are times people do criticize in order to hurt. But if it’s coming from a good place, then perhaps attacking them isn’t the best.
If you’re really struggling with accepting the feedback, try asking for validation on what you are doing right and then specific steps you can take to do better. You want action. You want to know how to fix the problem. You don’t want to feel bad for the sake of feeling bad. But most importantly, you want to know you are still accepted and wanted for who you are. You work so hard on your relationships and offer so much. It’s important to you for others to recognize that.
If you are unable to get the validation you need, then the next best thing is to be confident in all you do for others. Criticism isn’t a rejection of this. It’s simply offering an area of potential growth. But recognize and validate how much you do.
ESFPs have much to offer the world. They make the world brighter simply by being in it. You can continue to shine and grow at the same time.
The Human Connection 