Part of nurturing the relationships in your life means understanding the people in your life and what they need. Whether that person is a friend, significant other, or relative, it’s always helpful to try to meet them where they’re at.
This post focuses on Type 8s, how to spot them, and how to care for them. I’ll dive into the character of Eleven from Stranger Things to teach you about what Type 8s need from their relationships. If you know a Type 8 in your life, hopefully this helps you to learn how to love them a little bit better.
Eleven: Type 8
Alright, if you aren’t a fan of Stranger Things, I’m very concerned for you and I hope this post helps correct the error of your ways (aka, go watch the show). But if you’re here, I’m assuming you are a fan, and have hopefully already caught up on the latest season.
*Spoilers ahead*
Eleven, aka El, aka Jane (but we’ll stick with Eleven because who calls her Jane anyway?) is one of the main characters on the Netflix show Stranger Things. In the once sleepy town of Hawkins, she is kidnapped as an infant and experimented on in order to enhance and control her psychokinetic abilities.
In the first episode, while Eleven is still a child, she escapes and comes into the care of Mike and his friends, who are also children. Eleven develops a strong attachment to Mike right away. He sees her as a superhero, an identity important to her throughout the series.
Eleven is untrusting at first, but comes to trust Mike and other characters along the way. Telling the truth is very important to her. “Friends don’t lie,” is her mantra.
Eleven is a powerful character, not just because of her powers (which are intense), but because of her inner strength as well. She’s a fighter, sometimes to her own detriment. She’s an unstoppable force, even when she has very few people to trust or rely on. She’s a painfully authentic character who’s easy to admire and fear.
Eleven is a type 8, one of the most assertive of the enneagram types. They are known for wanting to protect themselves and others, which is something we see Eleven do time and time again.
How to Spot a Type 8
If there is a Type 8 in your life, trust me that they will be easy to spot. They are a force to reckon with. They are incredibly independent and assertive people. Like Eleven, they possess a lot of inner strength that’s very visible. They often come across as intimidating, but can also be very generous leaders who always stand up for the most vulnerable in society.
Type 8s are the most authentic type, yet they struggle a lot with vulnerability. Just because you know an 8, doesn’t mean you know them well.
Even though Eleven clearly acquires trust issues from her upbringing of being experimented on, other Type 8s also are not very trusting of others or the world. If you have the privilege of being close to a Type 8, know that you are in a very honored position in their life.
The biggest struggle of Type 8s is being in control.
Good luck ever telling them what to do. They can definitely go along with a plan, just like Eleven does plenty of times, but they are also known for being defiant, especially when it comes to their own or others perceived physical or emotional safety.
I think a great example of Eleven exhibiting her Type 8ness is in season 4 when she has agreed to go back with “Papa” to get her powers back. It was very important that this decision was her own, because no one can force her to do anything.
But the moment that really stands out to me is when she finds out her friends are in trouble and she wants to go save them. She demands to go save her friends even though her Papa doesn’t want to allow it. Ultimately, she is given the choice (or so she thinks), so she decides that more important than honing her powers is saving her friends.
As mentioned, Type 8s are incredibly protective. Eleven definitely sees herself as a superhero in this way (or at least aspires to be so), because one of her top priorities is protecting those she loves.
How to Nurture a Type 8
If you know someone in your life with the same traits as Eleven, it’s likely you have a Type 8 in your life. From personal experience, I can tell you that this is difficult. My mother is a Type 8, and let me tell you that they are not the easiest people to have around. I say this as a Type 9 myself, and as someone who loves my mother very much.
However, once you earn their trust (which is definitely something that must be earned), you will have someone in your life who relentlessly cares for you. There is almost nothing they wouldn’t do to keep their loved ones safe. These are the people who WILL step in front of a bullet for you. No hesitation.
Type 8s struggle with being vulnerable, even though they greatly long to be vulnerable with someone they can trust. They just don’t trust many people. They do best with people who are emotional and authentic, which is why I think Eleven trusts Mike. He provides her the space to cry, be scared, or feel whatever it is she’s feeling, while never seeing her as anything less than a superhero. Just because he sees her more vulnerable side doesn’t mean he thinks she’s weak.
This is important to Type 8s who value courage and fear being weak or powerless. This is why it is so impactful in season 4 when Eleven thinks that Mike doesn’t see her as a superhero anymore because she doesn’t have powers. Type 8s aren’t necessarily power-hungry. Eleven just doesn’t want to be weak.
Once you earn a Type 8’s trust, it is incredibly important you never betray them. They do not trust easily, and go throughout their life fearing betrayal. If you lose that trust, it is near impossible to get it back, if you ever do.
Be honest with your Type 8 no matter what. Be honest with them even if you think it will hurt them. They prefer this. Eleven’s mantra of “Friends don’t lie” falls perfectly in line with how Type 8s view friendships. Be honest, don’t lie, and don’t betray them.
Digging Deeper
From childhood, type 8s learn that the world is a hostile place (and for Eleven it definitely was). They learn that the strong survive and the weak get pushed around. They come to see the world in black and white terms, categorizing leaders and followers. It’s not that they want to be leaders, they just don’t want to be followers.
Above all, Type 8s hate being controlled. I know this very well about my own Type 8 mother. No one can tell her to do anything. So I don’t. But since I want to take care of her and her health, I find other ways to get her to do things. She has diabetes, so when I cook veggies or make tea, I make extra. I always ask if she wants some, however she often says no because she just likes to be difficult. But I know things about her.
I know that she cares about me. So I tell her things like, “But I made extra for you,” or even, “Do you want to get sick and die and not be around to take care of me?” Yes, I resort to guilt. I have no shame.
But she knows that I don’t guilt or manipulate her to hurt her. She knows my actions come from love and a desire to take care of her as well, and because of this she trusts me to push her to do certain things – like drink her freaken tea. Type 8s are notoriously difficult to take care of.
Type 8s take on so much, and often alone. They have incredible stamina and perseverance, so if anyone can handle large burdens, it’s them. But that doesn’t mean they don’t need someone to take care of them too.
Eleven has an incredible support system on the show, and I think she knows it. I think that’s why she fights so hard to protect them. That’s why she tests her own limits, even if it puts herself in danger. She wouldn’t be a superhero without her friends being there for her.
Check in on your 8. Ask them how they’re handling whatever is stressing them out in their life. Show up authentically. They will know if you’re asking but don’t really care.
In relationships, type 8s are looking to answer the question, “Can I trust me with you.” That’s a question you must answer with your actions.
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