Can you relate?
If you could describe your relationship with your romantic partner very simply, it would be loyal and supportive. Your relationship is not defined by passion, though you can of course feel that for one another.
Instead, you both recognize the commitment to duty, whether that’s with household chores or raising a family together. You are both always putting others’ needs before your own. You both value family and community.
You particularly value the generosity and self-sacrifice of your partner, as you see they are always putting everyone else first, probably too much. Your partner makes you feel very taken care of, safe, and you trust them to be loyal.
Your partner admires your work ethic, steadfastness, and that you can always be counted on.
However, a big struggle you often encounter with your partner is your inability to make decisions and then their constant pressure. Feeling pressured doesn’t help you think clearly, and can even make you reactive, pull away, and seem uncaring.
When this happens, it feels like the biggest rejection to your partner, making them feel incredibly unloved. They are a very sensitive type, and you’re usually good at taking care of their feelings, but not when you’re feeling anxious and stifled.
What’s going on?
This is a common dynamic for partners who are Types 6 and 2 on the Enneagram.
If you relate to the partner who struggles making decisions, you may be a Type 6. If you think your partner can relate to the sensitive partner who can be too self-sacrificing, they may be a Type 2.
Types 2 and 6 can make a great pair. They both want to feel safe and cared for and they are good at making the other feel this way. They value supporting each other and their bigger communities. They want to be there for one another through thick and thin. They are family-orientated and make great parents.
At their best, they can pretty much look like the idealized version of the nuclear family. Supportive partners and guiding parents.
However, each type struggles with their own insecurities that can be fueled by the other’s insecurities.
If you’re a Type 6, you can be very anxious, always thinking of worst-case scenarios, and doubting yourself often. You’re struggle to make decisions can look like you just don’t care, and maybe sometimes you don’t.
If your partner is a Type 2, they want to be as close and intimate with you as possible. Nothing is too close. They desire to please, and feel very rejected and unloved when it seems like you don’t care about something.
How to resolve conflict
As with resolving any conflict, it’s helpful to understand where the other is coming from.
If you’re a Type 6, you deeply desire safety and guidance. You doubt yourself a lot and find it much easier if someone else is there to guide you along. Your partner is great at this, so you often appreciate their support.
However, when you are feeling too pressured, it makes you feel more anxious and unable to make decisions. In your partner’s attempts to give you advice or instructions, it may be too much sometimes so instead you react negatively and then pull away.
Your partner is literally classified as the “Helper.” Not being able to help you is incredibly hurtful to them, and you’ll find they’ll be very receptive to helping you the way you need to be helped.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and pressured, cool down and let your partner know that they are demanding too much of you. It’s not that you don’t care and don’t want to be supportive, but you can’t handle too many demands on you at once.
Take a breather for yourself. Focus on one decision or task at a time. If you’re having trouble making a decision, have your partner talk it through with you step by step.
You have a lot of anxieties. Your partner is a good listener and also desires to be supportive. Talk through each anxiety with them, and you’ll most likely come to a place where you have a clearer head.
Digging deeper
If you’re a Type 6, you are not the most trusting person. You don’t often trust your environment, other people, and even yourself. You constantly doubt yourself, wondering what decision is best. You think through different possible outcomes for each decision you can make, which can increase your anxiety.
When you feel pressure from the outside world, it’s even harder to make decisions. You want to prevent the worst possible outcome. You want to keep you and your loved ones safe. But it’s hard to stop doubting yourself and to know what’s best for yourself and others.
Increased pressure makes you ambivalent, going back and forth between your emotions and thoughts. Ultimately, you’ll withdraw from your partner when you just can’t handle the stress and anxiety anymore.
Since Type 2s desire so much closeness, especially those who aren’t particularly healthy, they’ll become more needy with your distance. But they’ll also withdraw because they won’t know what to do. They greatly fear rejection and your distance can be perceived that way. They’ll feel like you don’t love them or care.
Fostering a good relationship between Types 6 and 2 requires large amounts of trust and care. At your best, you are a great supportive couple. At their worst, they can fall into a push and pull scenario going from lashing out and distance, to emotional reuniting, to wanting distance and making the other one feel rejected again.
It is important to be sensitive to your partner’s desire to feel wanted and loved. Likewise, your partner should keep in mind your anxieties and try to not be too intrusive with their desire to help you.
Luckily, you two make a strong and persevering couple. If you maintain accountability for yourselves and each other, you really are a stable couple that can last.
The Human Connection 