Can you relate?
Your family complains that they don’t get together often enough, or that it’s hard to get everyone together. Everyone’s lives are so scattered, or things are always coming up.
You wish your family was closer. Maybe they are physically too far away or maybe there is an emotional disconnect or maybe there is not enough affection.
Either way, something is missing in your family. You want something more fulfilling.
What’s going on?
It seems like having better quality time could help you and your family feel closer. You may not be able to control how often you see your family or get everyone together, but you can have a more satisfying experience with them.
Quality time is one of the 5 love languages, and as it suggests, it’s less about quantity and more about, well, quality. It means to give someone your undivided attention for as long as you have them.
Likewise, people who have quality time ranked high in their love languages are more likely to get hurt by the absence of it. Someone canceling plans, not prioritizing making time for you, or being generally flaky is very hurtful to you. Not getting enough quality time in the family dynamic can be quite challenging.
How to nurture the relationship
A simple way to have better quality time is to simply be engaged. Tips for better family time are as simple as making a no phone rule. If someone seems distracted, politely point it out and ask what’s on their mind. If they are multi-tasking, ask if they can take a break to sit with you.
If the problem is that your family doesn’t get together enough, then be the one to plan something. It could be something simple as a hike, barbecue, or going to dinner together.
If you’re not the planning type, then suggest it to someone who would be willing to help.
The truth is, there are a million ways to bring families together and endless lists of things you can do together. However, I would suggest that truly nurturing the relationships you have with your family is less about the amount of time you see each other and more about what happens when you do spend time together.
Digging deeper
Quality time involves focused attention, quality conversation, and quality activities.
Focused attention means that you are not being distracted – so no phones, no multi-tasking, and no wandering attention.
Quality conversation means sharing your experiences, thoughts, and feelings. This goes both ways. You have to share these things to someone willing to listen, but more importantly, take interest when they are sharing these things as well. This involves listening sympathetically and asking questions.
Quality activities means doing things together while also giving your undivided attention. If you’re playing a game together, then be in the game. If you’re doing chores together, then be considerate of helping each other.
Whatever it is you’re doing, you have to at least have someone in the family who wants to do it, and others who are willing to do it. It’s the willingness to do something for someone else that really makes people feel cared for.
The whole point of quality time is to make everyone involved feel cared for. A big part of loving is making someone else feel loved. What would be the point of spending time together if there were some who left feeling uncared for? Alternately, isn’t making each other feel loved still important even if you don’t spend enough time together?
The Human Connection 